Life with a reactive dog - a love declaration and small guide to support their owners

Our world often celebrates the harmonious and uncomplicated companionship between owners and their dogs, but there is an often overlooked group of dog owners: those with reactive dogs.

A reactive dog is one that reacts to certain stimuli. It can be literally anything: Other dogs, unfamiliar people, other animals, objects or sounds. The reactions can range from barking and lunging to full-blown panic attacks. These dogs are often (unjustly) labelled as "aggressive" or at least "difficult".

But: Their reactions are not something these dogs choose. It's an unconscious response rooted in fear, past trauma or anxiety. Not to forget that the owners of reactive dogs did not purposely choose to have one or train their dogs to act like this.

For these owners, the daily encounters with other people, other dog owners etc. are often very challenging and emotionally (even physically) draining. One could say, a life with a reactive dog is not for the faint of heart. It's days filled with ups and downs and every day comes with its own challenges. For owners with reactive dogs, every morning is a start into a new day trying to navigate through a world full of unexpected triggers “around the corner” and increased sensitivities. They never know what might come across their path. The daily challenges can range from having to manage leash reactivity to fear-based aggression while, at the same time, trying to provide a safe and loving environment for their dogs. Staying calm and strong like a Buddha statue on a mountain - no matter what happens - is a good goal, but hard to reach.

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But...between all this emotional rollercoaster, there truly is beauty in the relationship between a reactive dog and their owner which is full of precious life lessons. These dog´s sensitivity and vulnerability teach us humans profound lessons about empathy, compassion, patience, love, mindfulness, resilience and understanding.

Lesson 1: Patience, compassion and empathy

Reactive dogs teach the importance of patience and empathy. Their struggles remind us that everyone has their battles and an empathetic approach can make a world of difference. Owners of these dogs simply could not make it without it.

Lesson 2: Resilience

Reactive dog owners are forced to become resilient problem solvers. They learn to adapt, seek help and find new ways to manage their dogs - sometimes over and over again. Reactive dogs teach us that progress may be slow, but it's worth celebrating every small victory on the way.

Lesson 3: Presence in the moment

Reactive dogs force their owners to slow down and be present in the moment to be able to read their subtle signals and anticipate their needs and manage them.

Lesson 4: True love

These dogs show their owners the true meaning of unconditional love – they love their owners even on their worst days and this way they are teaching their owners to do the same for them. Owners of reactive dogs have seen their dogs in all kinds of ugly moments which make it hard to recognize them. But they all love them - despite of it or even more. They know their dogs are not "bad", "aggressive" or "mean". They know, they have their bad moments. Just like us humans.

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How can others support and help?

Often it is well-meant "advice" that upsets the owners. Or the one person passing by who unknowingly trigger the dog´s fear. And then there are the judgmental glances and head shakes from people who don´t understand the struggles and who are often just lucky (not "better") not having to tackle a reactive dog on their own.

In the name of reactive dog owners I would like to ask for understanding and support. It can truly make all the difference for their day!

The following list is meant to help everyone who is interacting with a reactive dog-owner-team:

Support

It means the world to them! Smile. Listen. Be a compassionate ear for the owners to vent their frustrations and share their successes. It helps them to regain balance, get out of a negative thinking loop and that in itself helps their dogs, because of mood transfer. You could also consider in supporting their training actively if they need help.

Respect distance

Dog owners of reactive dogs often need to step aside or cross the street to avoid an escalating situation. Don´t take it personally, even if you know the owner and he – caught in his struggles – might forget to greet you. Trying to talk to you or explain to you the why of their action might already trigger their dog.

Respect boundaries

Ask the owner for permission as well as guidance if and how to approach their dog and follow their instructions. This applies to you, but also to your dog approaching. And it is generally a good approach in the communication with dog-owner-teams.

Don´t judge, please

Avoid judgmental comments or disapproving looks. Remember, it's a struggle for both, the dog and their owner, and the owners are certainly not enjoying their dog´s reaction.

Don´t offer unsolicited training advice

Most reactive dog owners are very well-informed, work with professionals and have a plan in place. You can be sure that most of them are trying hard, have tried several methods and are learning how to handle their dogs in moments like this. But it takes time and failing is normal.

Educate yourself

Understand that reactive dogs are not inherently aggressive, but may be reacting out of fear, anxiety or past trauma. It can make a difference for everyone. Also, educating yourself on dog`s body and sign language will enable you to read your own dog, other dogs and therefore judge dog encounters more easily and correctly – and therefore take the right decision. With a good foundation on that matter, you could prevent escalating situations or at least help with that.

These dogs, often labelled as "difficult", are some of the most loyal, affectionate, sensitive and loving animals. Don´t forget that their owners love them and that they do, because they have also seen them in thousands of better moments.

Let´s create a world where reactive dog owners are met with support and kindness - together.

🐾 Doreen 🐾